I need some motivation .. :S

I feel blegh

I need to renew my resolve. Haven't been a good girl this week. I've been trying to stick to the points, but I've had pizza and chinese for dinner this week. I've been snacking.

Obviously I know what I should be doing. I can do it. I just haven't been strong enough. How embarrassing. I feel like a failure and those little creepy feelings of giving up are lurking at the corners of my mind.

But I am in control of my destiny.. maybe. I would like to think I am! I have made a huge batch of vegie soup to snack on or detox with. I bought a dvd player  for $10 on ebay so I can Zumba... the exciting thing is now the remote for the old one will turn up. Thats how it usually goes.

I am 1 week into the 3 Months to Summer Challenge.. and I ain't doing so good :s But I'm not going to dwell on it. No I will not.

There are still 11 weeks left to lose 10kgs... :) I can still get to about 95kgs by then. Yes. Yes. YES!

So I am setting myself some goals for this week - and I will feel better this time next week for sticking to them.

1. No junk food. Snacking on fruit and veg only.
2. Start the c25k.
3. ZUMBA ZUMBA ZUMBA!

Guess what? I've just done something proactive... I registed for the PWC Cool Night Classic on the 1st November.

So yeah - something to aim for :)

Feeling better now that I've got my self-pity off my chest.

Food Coma

I overate last night, and didn't make good choices today. That's the crux of it.
It was after a bad afternoon, I was tired and cranky and the Moon was full. I have an implanon rod in my arm, so I rarely get my period, but this weekend has been really heavy man. I had Uni both days this weekend for Negotiating in Legal and Commercial Disputes. Intensive mode and the pressure of performance. Questioning myself on reflection.
 
Combined with disappointment over B2B (oh yeah, that stupid thing was today), and worry cos Allan hasn't been able to work this last week due to a cyst being cut out of his face, by the time I got home last night I was a selfish wreck. I intruded on a neighbour and the dog got to her dinner. I snapped at QR officials and then made a dick of myself trying to have my point heard.
 
I ate. A lot. Biscuits, toast, wraps, potato chips.
When I went to bed, I felt sick. When I woke up, I felt full. And I made some bad choices today with food too.
 
Remorseful. I havent weighed in today - I wanna get all the shit out first... ? But I will tomorrow or tuesday either way.
 
On the way to Uni I listened to a song I hadn't heard for a long time. It felt like something celestine, cos my phone was on shuffle. It made me feel a bit better.

I'll be your mirror
Reflect what you are, in case you don't know
I'll be the wind, the rain and the sunset
The light on your door to show that you're home

When you think the night has seen your mind
That inside you're twisted and unkind
Let me stand to show that you are blind
Please put down your hands
'Cause I see you

I find it hard to believe you don't know
The beauty that you are
But if you don't let me be your eyes
A hand in your darkness, so you won't be afraid

When you think the night has seen your mind
That inside you're twisted and unkind
Let me stand to show that you are blind
Please put down your hands
'Cause I see you

 I'll be your mirror

 

(Velvet Underground)

 

 
And as the great master Dory said