Happy New Year?

I'm baaaack!

So we have the new year, and like a phoenix I regenerate my goals and dreams and blah blah blah. I'd like to anyway. By this time of year ( a week into it) I tend to feel the anti-climax. I've already broken resolutions... I've seen that nothing has really changed.. and I start to fall into the Fuck it Funk...

I did my weight and measurements today, was kinda hoping to have lost a bit more by now. Im not going to say the 3 month challenge was a complete failure.. I did reinforce a love (or maybe just a happy like) for running.. or trying to run. I did a fun run. I didn't put ON weight.

But cant help think.. what is wrong with me? Why can't I actually stick to anything?

Depressing. I'm a lone soul stuck in my own fish bowl... year after year.

But No. I refuse to give in. When you stop trying, you fail.

But Im embarrassed!

So like that Phoenix, from the pits of my despair, I get up and start again. A new three month challenge! This time with no photos. What's the point? I havent changed.
I gotta break into double digits!

So I thought I would list my New Years Resolutions here. Yep, I still make them :)

1. Do 5 fun runs. At least if I do these, I can guarantee 5 weeks this year where I will be jogging to be fit for the fun runs. Ultimate goal by the end of the year? Run 5k's. I can do this if I keep trying!

2. Be positive.Postive thoughtforms. Positive energy - perpetuate positive thinking and positive habits and .. shut up. The inner grump feels like throwing a bucket of water on little miss sunshine :)

3. Become and employed Solicitor. This one will be hard. But I won't give up - My HECS debt will be more than $75 000 by the end of the year.. I think I will consider myself as having 'made it' when my yearly income is more than my HECS debt ;p

I know I'm being a negative Nelly right now... I'll snap out of it. I'm just feeling dejected. Sick of trying, but what is the alternative?

Here are my current measurements:

Measurements - 550cm (when adding up all the cm's) Lost 1 cm since September

(Thinnest part of my) Waist: 100 cm

Stomach (taken just below my belly button): 117.5 cm

Hips: 118 cm

Upper Thigh: 75.5 cm

Above the knee (4cm above the freckle): 54.5cm

Neck: 41 cm

Upper Arm: 43.5cm

 

Weight: 104.1 kg (lost 1.2kgs)

BMI: 36.0 Obese (yay - down 0.5!)

So I think I need to end this post with some positives:

• I haven't GAINED weight
• My BMI is down
• My total cm is down
• I went for a jog yesterday
• I've bought entries for a fun run on 13th Jan (1 week from today) and one some time in May..
• I have lost 16 kgs since 7 Nov 2011.. and kept it off (the biggest achievement)

Come on Nicole - snap out of it!
Ok!

So here is to a new year... and finding and being more positive. :)

 

 

 

 

The results are in...

Well I've slacked off for the most of the rest of November, its the end, and I think I may have done 3 runs :) Here is my pledge to get back into it :) Though apparently we are in the middle of a heatwave at the moment, so Ill start again Monday ;p Alllways Monday!

I have purchased the photos :)

Running over the Goodwill Bridge. Actually, I was walking up the bridge, but when I was in front of the camera I started running :)

 

Total number of runners: 3078
Women: 1455
Average time to run 5km: 32:34
Fastest time: 15:43
Slowest: 55:26

Number of female runners: 1400
Averag female time: 35:42
Fastest woman:18:15
Slowest: 54:58

There were 13 Nicoles in the race. I was 13th ;p
Net time: 43:30
Overall - 3012 - one of the last!


But I felt awesome afterwards. I still remember that feeling. Look how happy I look. Yuck, look at my black tooth. But more importantly, look how happy I look.. and I remember feeling really proud and positive that evening too.. I almost didn't do it.

And even though this post is dated whenever, I'm actually publishing it on 30th November.
I've gotta get back into running! The Resolution Run is in about 6 weeks :) (Must buy ticket :) )

Mind fu*ked it

blegh.

What is wrong with me? Not much, let me tell you!

My mind deserted me today. In that sense, it won. I gave up halfway through a podcast, and felt so despondent, there were tears. I had a stitch too. And my stomach hurt. I felt worse for giving up.

Zeke and I had been to the pool today - so there was the walk there and back and then entertaining him at the pool. My body was tired.

I also missed lunch. Ate the equivalent of 2 carrots. I didn't mean to, it was more just not wanting to eat the white processed bread with butter and vegemite that we did have. In hindsight I should have made an effort. I have eggs. I could've boiled one and had it on a piece of toast or something.

I'm so stressed at the moment - Christmas is coming and I am soooo broke. I'm stressing about paying the child care centre who failed to tell me for about 3 months that I was only paying half of what I was supposed to be paying, letting me accrue a debt of $500. I would've pulled him out then and there, but I needed those days to finish uni. I miss the extra days in there already!

I'm worried I won't graduate after the disastrous exam. I feel sad and sorry for myself that I don't have parents to fuss over how great it is that I'm graduating with a Law degree.. and it is not because they are dead - but because they are shells stuck in a stupor.

I'm feeling anxious about the kids' school. There are stories coming out of there, from other parents, of things happening, and nothing seems to be getting better. I would like to change schools, but we are currently right across the road from ours.. nothing can beat that convenience. I keep reasoning it in that when I graduate and get a graduate position, then we can move and know where we will settle, because I don't want to change them between lots of schools. Allan doesn't want me to change their school at all. Monique is happy at school, nearly finished with grade one. She is learning heaps and doesn't seem bothered by the rumoured behaviour. Zeke starts next year and the prep program is awesome.

I feel like the fact I'm staying says I don't care. But I do. I have weighed up the pros and cons. Im so torn. If I could honestly afford to change schools for next year I would - but there are 2x uniforms, 2 x booklists etc.. and Allan won't be happy about giving up the car. If the school does get much worse, we will have to leave.

I was feeling depressed before I went for this jog. I didn't want to, but relied on the hope that I would feel better when I got back. But I'm so edgy I was already on the edge of tears. My stomach was hurting, which I now realise was from hunger, and I drank a big drink of water and got a stitch.  I just broke. Trudged home. Cried a little bit.

Its done now. I'll try again on Friday :) Keep on swimming... apparently.

Hoiye, it's moiye :)

I haven't been here for so long. It's not that I have forgotten you, dear blog.. it's just that having finished the Uni year (and with any luck, undergrad uni degree altogether) I feel like there is a world of possibility for me :)

This blog has also become habitually obsessed with my c25k'ing... which is kinda funny, cos I have been waiting to run before blogging... I even remember saying to Christine before the fun run 'Take my photo! It's for my blog!' .. well they aren't forthcoming yet, but I have seen the professional ones that you can buy. I'm going to buy mine. How else can I be Bobbi #2 ??? I lve how she has the comparisons.... so yeah it is motivating .. and so I will do it too :)

I didnt reach that 20kg loss by 7 Nov. But I'm ok with that. I'm still fucking around at 102kg. A total plateau and its frustrating! Looking at photos of me before, a year ago, I feel sad for me. But I feel happier for me too. I'm not stuck there anymore. And obviously I have to shake things up - getting fitter by running is the cardio part - I've been working myself up to do pushups, crunches, squats and lunges everyday. Just as much as I can in the mornings. But when it comes to those mornings, I don't want to do it anymore ;p I have to remind myself, that resistance training will shock this old body into losing weight again...

And I'm not sure how that exam went. It feels like it went terribly. Like I failed. Why do I feel like I know more about Murphy's Law than Evidence Law? The car tyre went flat that day. I wasted hours. I was almost in tears, fighting them back actually, as I went to hand the essay in, and I heard a whole bunch of other people talking about how hard it was and giving up and not finishing it. So hopefully I'm just being your typical depressed, over critical and anxious law student and I have actually passed.

Anyway, I went for a run today - I've only done one since the fun run. My next target is the Resolution Run on Jan 13. Its the same course as the PWC one.. so I really wanna improve my time!

PWC Cool Night Classic 2012

I did it!

Really!

I probably wouldn't have done it if Christine wasn't doing it too. She reminded me yesterday that I would regret it. And I totally would have. I remember the disappointment in not being able to do the Bridge to Brisbane. But its funny how excuses can set in. You know as well as I do, how much effort I had put in training for this.

And I feel great :) I feel happy. I feel in control again. Weird, huh? And my muscles aren't killing me. I was so worried and anxious about it. I haven't run for a few weeks... would I be able to? I guess my body is just getting fitter :)

So my time was 47 minutes.. which is awesome, cos my usual sessions were about an hour - though my usual sessions have an extra 800m (but I dont think it takes me 13 minutes to walk 800m) and I didnt have the 5 minute warm up walk beforehand. Well I kind of did, because we caught the train in and the walk is about 15 minutes from Roma St. There is a chance that my time is even less because the timer would have started when the first people went, and it took about 5 minutes to get started... waiting for the crowds to disperse.

I ran more than I thought I would on that first burst.... I felt part of something. Proud. It was my challenge. No one was looking at me. No one really cared when I stopped and walked. A lot of people did, so I wasn't the only one!

After that, I did what I could. I walked briskly, and when I felt I could breathe again, or the stitch went away, I would run, maybe for 30 seconds at a time ;p And at the end, when I saw 47 mins on the clock, I got another burst of energy... and I'm so psyched right now to do another one in a couple of months. :)

The next one I want to do is the Brisbane Resolution Run on Jan 13, which is a good idea, taking advantage of new years resolutions and all:) And then after that, I want to do the one that is the RACQ Insurance International Women's Day Fun Run/Walk  on the 10th March.

Well now I have to wind down, cos I have that huge exam tomorrow - so I can graduate!

Everything is coming up Milhouse!

The Night before....

The fun run is tomorrow and the 'don't wannas' have set in.

Do I really want to do this?

Yes I do. I was so psyched about it. And I do want to do it. But I haven't gone for a run for a few weeks, I've been so focused on getting essays in and preparing for exams... October has been a busy month. My last exam is on friday. I am not really ready, but I'm going to give it my best shot - I have to pass to graduate!

It is a take home exam, which means I have 10 hours to download, complete and upload again.. and hand it in at uni. The kids will be at school and kindy. We have an abundance of milk in the fridge (though I would rather it was pepsi max!). Apparently it would take a prepared student 4 hours to do. OMFG. So I will need the whole 10!

I want to start running again. I don't want my body to get lazy ... and I remember how horrid my calves were.. so I wanna make sure they don't get sooky again ;p

And my body feels heavy again. I havent really been watching what I eat... and I havent been exercising. I havent gained weight and I definately havent reached that 20kg mark. I was 800g off. I want to reach that 20kg mark by 7th Nov! Can I focus and do this?

Yes!

I was starting to bow out of the fun run when Christine said something about me definately regretting not doing it. She is right! Gotta get out of that comfort zone. I'm quite used to making a dick of myself in social situations.. so its silly that I'm afraid of embarrassing myself for being unfit at a fun run!

Its tomorrow afternoon. Exam friday. New lease on life on Saturday - aim to lose 2kgs (at last look I was 102kg - again, I dont really want to weigh myself) by next wednesday. It is possible - especially if its just bloating from bread :)

I will :)

An unpleasant reminder

I was talking about this photo today, and it was taken almost a year ago, on the 1/11/11. I was about 120kg, and feeling yuck. I hated my body. I was trying to lose weight, but nothing was working. I was smoking and eating a lot.

Then I signed up for some personal training - My waist was 120cm. Huge! And I knew, if nothing happened, I would just get bigger and bigger.

When I first saw this photo, my first thought was, how can they love me? They do love me, but how?

That's really sad. If I have learnt anything, I have learnt that I was giving up too easily. You have to change everything. And you have to get that heart rate up! Get out of that comfort zone... even (and especially) if you don't want to.

And I have been doing that with the c25k podcasts... I'm 50/50 when it comes to doing them, but I want to do them and I gave myself the goal of doing a fun run - and I don't want to embarass myself.

Also I need to remind myself, I have lost a lot of weight - almost 20kg.. and it doesn't matter if there are '30 to go'.. I've lost 20 so far :)