the first cut is the deepest

Baby I know

Today is going well so far - I've stuck to the meal plan, only on my second coffee and I will try not to have another one for the rest of the day.

I'm listening to records, about to do some housework - this place is a mess. One of the most awesome and inspiring people I know  (I don't know many, so it's not hard) cleans as a way of keeping active. I need to stop telling myself I'm lazy - that I don't want to do it.  Get rid of those self-defeating thoughts!

Which gets me thinking - weight loss is all in the mind - you have to overcome habits, you have to maintain your motivation and inspiration.  For years, I've wanted to try meditation - can you imagine inner stillness? Peace AND quiet? So I have been looking on the internet for positive affirmations and meditation stuff. Where do I start?  The obvious answer is sit still, in a quiet plac,e and empty the mind. Firstly, quiet place? There is no such thing. Empty the mind? It may take a while.

But you gotta start somewhere :) I keep planning on doing this, but when I get the chance to do it, there is other stuff to do.

......

So Allan's Mum pops in. I hadn't started the housework yet, and was just writing the above post. Oh great, I thought, and the place is a mess. My mother-in-law has never seen our house clean. Its never clean long enough.

So there is the third cup of coffee with a dose of shame.

I gotta clean this house everyday. If I do it for an hour every morning, then one day, there wont be as much to do.... one day.


.....

This afternoon I was feeling restless... I decided to pull my finger out and start the c25k today. I wore 2 bras and 2 tight tshirts - to bind my boobies ... they still had their own swagger.. but they were supported :) Gotta get a better bra.

I'm so unfit. But that's ok. I'll get there. I will. I just have to remember to keep on going. keep going.

like Dory... keep on swimming...

Before I left I weighed myself. 106kg. My heart dropped. I got as low as 102kg a month or so ago... yeah its winter. yeah i ate badly. Im just sick of putting on weight. It feels shitty. it feels like nothing you do works. You are tired of trying.

15/7/12 @ 106 kgs

I have to push past that.

Here is a picture of me today, bound before jogging.

I look special - but thats cos I am :)

The title of this photo should be "Camel toe or Moose knuckle?" Im trying to get these photos to sync, and be next to each other.. but they repel each other as much as they repel me.

15/7/12 @ 106kgs

Tomorrow is a new day :)