Hurt feelings

One thing I have decided to do is go off my meds for depression and anxiety. They don't seem to be working anyway. I have to just push through the stress and worry and wallow in the sadness when it comes... acknowledging it and moving on. And on those grey, dark days, I'll just crumple.

Thats ok. Its part of being human.

Getting outside and getting fresh air makes me feel better. I haven't been out to do another 10km since last week, I might give it a go this arvo. I would like to - being cooped up in this little townhouse with restless children makes me want to run screaming. Without them. :)

I did plan on doing it every single day. Last thursday, the day after the 10k practice, Zeke and I went to the same place and rode our bikes - I just had to show him the awesome park with the little roads and stop signs.

But there was trouble brewing. It's great when Spring comes... everything is new and fresh. but if you live in Australia (it does happen in the rest of the country, doesn't it? Not just to us banana benders?) you are well acquainted with the terror that spring brings.....

We ARE two lost souls stuck in a fishbowl, year after year.

Every spring the Australian magpie protects his territory and his birdlings.... by swooping at anyone riding/walking/ crying and bleeding in retreat from their Terror-tory. With the false sense of security from walking through the same spot 6 times the day before I didn't think there would be a problem - despite the signs warning us of magpie season......

Universe, that picture gives me the creeps.

On the way to the park it swooped. It followed. There isn't much more terrifying than walking along a bike path not knowing where or how many or even if they are going to get you. In my haste to get away, I left Zeke to fend for himself. I'm sorry Zeke... but at least I was keeping the Magpie from him. Zeke's pretty good at catching up.

We got to the park without any more swooping. But he followed us. I'm sure of it. Unless it was another one. Zeke and I were on the swings.. Zeke was oblivious.. I was shitting myself. The Maggie calmly bounced closer and closer to the swings, I'm there trying not to make any sudden movements and taking note of a metre long stick nearby. The maggie picks at the ground, watches and ends up flying back up to the tree.....

We rode the long way home, but still had to go past the corner. The bike ride was really good, we were really enjoying it. And then, as we turned to go down the street towards home.. I had that feeling of impending doom. I really did. My eyes were scanning the trees, the electricity lines, the footpath, the road. Couldn't see anything. Couldn't hear anything. I had images in my brain of the magpie swooping. I knew it was going to happen - and it was going to be prolonged - we still had about 100-200m to go.

It got me. No warning apart from my exciting psychic powers. It felt like one of those little sandbags you use instead of shotputs in PE in primary school had hit me on the side of the head.. and a little sting.

There was blood.

I yelped that embarrassing scream and crossed the road. Zeke knew to follow me. He held it together, my brave little man. He's only 4. I'm glad the Magpie was only going for me...


It watched us, from the wires above, as we crossed the road. It swooped and tried again. And again. And again.  I bolted. It would've been hilarious to watch. Again I'm trying to get out of there, panicked, telling Zeke behind me just to keep going - he did - and waited at a spot past the corner while I was being divebombed by a 'gentleman with his hands in his pockets'... (some wierd poetical reference I read while searching for scary pics...)


He followed me up the road - I would turn around and he would be behind me, on the ground...

Watching me. High on his own testosterone. He has a taste for blood - my delicious blood. I was scared of this bloody bird. I was swearing, waving and flailing my arms around, pushing the bike, looking out for Zeke, hoping the Maggie would give up. When I got to the corner I had to stop. I burst into tears. It was so embarrassing, I felt like such a sook. The bleeding had stopped, but my ear was throbbing.

That bird really hurt my feelings.

Its not that ridiculous. I've been swooped a couple of times in my wanderings on this planet - but never divebombed and hit. Never blitzkrieged in the middle of the day by a fucking bird.

So Zeke and I started home. The worst was over, thank Universe. A jogger ran past me and I flinched. Traumatised!

And then there was another one! I looked up - the thing was flying right towards me, screeching. I lost it. Survival mode kicked in. I got up the hill as fast as I could. Poor Zeke. He told me he didn't want me to go outside again. He didn't want me to get attacked by magpies.

I didn't want to go outside. I didn't even want to be the one to pick Monique up. I was a mess. I had crumpled. Defeated. Scared of something I couldn't control.

I guess I realised that day I wasn't immune. Life really is just like the movies.  I remember once, coming home from school, I was walking through a laneway to get home. There were about 5-10 magpies sitting along the fence on each side... watching as I walked past. It felt eerie - and could've been taken out of 'The Birds'...


I hope I never see another magpie again.
But I know I will. And until about November, I'll be the person who keeps flinching and looking towards the trees everytime she leaves the house....